I’ve been trying to be positive about life for the past few months, but right now I just can’t. And now I’m at a point where I can’t swallow all this stuff any longer – to be honest, yes, my life really does suck at the moment. I need to get it out, so that’s what I’m trying to do here.
My last week started with my parents fighting – and for someone who is used to parents, who aren’t talking to each other, that is hard. It makes me feel uncomfortable in my own home. It leads to me not being able to concentrate near my parents, even now that the fight is over. This might sound selfish right now – but sometimes I need to be selfish. Because they are always talking about changing things – but they never do. And this situation just influences me negatively. I need to focus on my bachelor thesis right now, but I can’t. My thoughts are always somewhere else.
That’s the next thing – the deadline for my thesis is next Sunday. And I’ve still got a lot of work to do to finish it. My whole future depends on this thesis – my plans of being independent depend on this thesis, because I can’t be independent before I’ve finished my bachelor studies. I NEED to finish them now. So there’s that pressure.
Another thing is….I hate having to explain why I am who I am and why I am doing what I am doing. A lot of people make me feel like everything I do is wrong. And then there are the people that just cut me off without even explaining why. That doesn’t exactly improve self worth. To be honest, I am so sick and tired of always being the one that’s fighting. Fighting for everything to be right. Because I can’t do it anyway – I can’t fight everybody else’s fight.
I might be a lousy friend at the moment…I have to fight my own challenges, it might take a few days until I text back, there’s just a lot going on in my life right now, and I need to be there for myself.
But that doesn’t keep me from worrying about a friend, whose grandmother died two days ago, and I know that hit him hard, so whenever he needs me I will be there for him, because that’s just the kind of person I am. I’m kind, I worry, I give my all – that’s me.
So, I guess sometimes life really sucks. But I have to remember that in those times I need to be there for myself more than ever and I need to focus on my own goals. Because I’m the person that I always have to live with – so I’d better treat myself well.