I know it isn’t Friday the 13th, but for some reason something is off today. Can’t quite put my finger on it though. I’ve been feeling smushed all day – I woke up tired as hell, and felt kind of empty.
During the day I felt a little bit better. I spent some time studying, because as soon as I start working it’s not going to be as easy to fit studying in as it is now. And I went outside for a little bit. I had to pick up some packages that had been dropped off at a pick up point. I used this occasion to take a walk and soak up some sun, thought that would cheer me up. I did, and that feeling lasted for some time. I could study some more, before I quit doing that for today.
Afterwards I decided to spend my evening on the couch with Netflix – because I don’t allow myself to be lazy that often. I ended up watching Christmas movies 😛 Don’t judge though! I know it’s kinda early for that, but I’m not into Halloween and I was feeling christmassy (if that is a word? xD) for some reason. Although I really loved watching it, it left me kinda empty again afterwards, and that feeling hasn’t left since.
I’ve been feeling empty, I’m really tired and everything hurts – but I still can’t get much sleep. And that has been the case for months now. Not the part about me feeling empty and everything hurting, but the troubles with falling asleep. Somehow I can’t fall asleep without having any kind of YouTube video on, and even that doesn’t always help.
I was so excited to get to Amsterdam, and I also kind of hoped that my problems with falling asleep would disappear then. But they didn’t, they’re still here. And now, I feel lonely too when lying in bed and staring at the ceiling. That didn’t quite turn out how I imagined it, and that makes me sad.
Maybe it means that I should give myself some time? Maybe I should go offline for a while (because my attachment to my phone is unbelievable at the moment)? But maybe it also means that I should focus less on others and what others might think about me not being completely happy as an expat right from the start and instead care more about myself? Maybe this all means that I should take care of ME right now. Because you can’t be much help to others if you can’t keep your own battery alive right?
So that’s what I’m going to be doing the next few days/weeks – making sure my battery always is at least half full and taking care of myself. Hope that works out.